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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I head down to the workshop on Hithadhoo Magu. You know, the usual grind. I’m a machinist, so I’m all about those gears and metal shavings. But today? Today was a whole different ball game. I’m workin’ on this old engine, and outta nowhere, it just starts spewin’ oil everywhere! Like, c’mon, man! I’m not a mechanic, I’m a machinist!

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